Knitting Friends God’s Way

The longer people’s lives are woven together the more their friendship resembles a knit fabric. I knew I was knit together in my mother’s womb but I never thought about being knit together with other people. Other people had friends so I had to figure it all out. I payed attention to, and tried to emulate, the people around me.  That’s fine, but it is not God’s way. It’s exhausting, and honestly it doesn’t always work  so good.

Since beginning this care giving journey for Steve’s dad, I find that several of my relationships have realigned. Old stitches were ripped open and only the wavy limp yarn remained.

I grieved over this many days. It is difficult for people like me who have been abandoned repeatedly, to choose friendships, so after investing in ones I thought would stand the tests of time, watching them unravel was so disturbing that it took a physical toll on me – I could feel the grief. Arthritis and eczema flared up. My whole body felt heavy. The bends and tweaks of myself I hadn’t thought about in years were open to plain sight.

The questions my mind and heart asked were in themselves a weaving of despair: Can I even be a friend? Had I grossly misunderstood what being a friend is. Have I chosen so poorly that I will never have any friends in my life? What is a good friendship like? Can I be a friend to those who are not friends to me? …Should I be? Is that healthy for me or will I just wither up and die lonely at the end of my days? Will my children understand that my actions are obedient to God, not my feelings, when I do and say kind things to those who they know have hurt me deeply? How will my choices … how have my choices impacted my family? Is that good or have I ruined them for life? Is loneliness God’s will for me? Please God! Undo these stitches. I don’t like them.

Into my mind came the word of God.

Then I started to thank God for the realignment and joy returned to everyday living.

But then I started to thank God for the realignment and joy returned to everyday living. Though the questions remain; the truth about God’s trustworthy nature and the relevancy of His commands remain constant. Some of those that had separated themselves from me returned while some who had feigned friendship felt the freedom to walk away. What shocked me was that I was able to maintain stability through those realignments just by realigning my thoughts to thank God.

With new found joy, peace, and well being, I had a renewed thirst for choosing friends The LORD’s way. Not by the standards of those around me which is a terrible trap for those who have been weakened by faulty relationships. No, this time I would choose friends based on the way set forth by the Everlasting God, LORD of all creation, Maker and True Friend of my soul.

So what is God’s way to friendship?

Here’s a good starting point:

I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts. Psalm 119:63

While we cannot quantify a person’s fear of God, for we are all unable to determine the various states of another person’s inner most being, we can, however, witness and process the keeping of precepts. Let’s learn more from investigating a few key words. Pay attention to the overall themes tying the grammatical usages together.

I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts . Psalm 119:63 (KJV)

COMPANION: Chaber

united

associate,

fellow,

worshippers

companion

King James Word Usage – Total: 12
companions 7, fellow 4, knit together 1

From 02266 Chabar Definition

to unite,

join,

bind together,

be joined,

be coupled,

be in league,

heap up,

have fellowship with,

be compact,

be a charmer

(Qal)

to unite, be joined

to tie magic charms, charm

(Piel)

to unite with, make an ally of

to unite, join, ally

(Pual)

to be allied with, be united

to be joined together

(Hiphil) to join together, pile up (words)

(Hithpael) to join oneself to, make an alliance, league together

I love that friends are knit together. The way the yarn weaves in and out of itself to form a strong fabric creates an appealing picture of the kind of friendships I would love to incorporate into my life. Certainly those who worship with me could be woven in, and yet this idea of being joined together with another person or group of people makes me want to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction.

For the previously abandoned, allies – those that stick with you through troubled times or difficult tasks – are few and far between. Trust is a valuable, yet fragile, commodity. Unravel it repeatedly and there is no maneuver on earth that can restore trust to its former glory. The yarn loses its resiliency becoming a functional but tired version of itself. For my part, I’m much more comfortable wrapped up in the woolen coat of impartiality than the whimsical scarf of alliance. Unraveled coats are problematic. 

Fear : Yare’

Strong’s Number: 03372

to fear, revere, be afraid

(Qal)

to fear, be afraid

to stand in awe of, be awed

to fear, reverence, honour, respect

(Niphal)

to be fearful, be dreadful, be feared

to cause astonishment and awe, be held in awe

to inspire reverence or godly fear or awe

(Piel)

to make afraid, terrify

2. (TWOT) to shoot, pour

King James Word Usage – Total: 314

fear 188

afraid 78,

terrible 23,

terrible thing 6,

dreadful 5,

reverence 3,

fearful 2,

terrible acts 1,

miscellaneous 8

Friends should be aligned in their fear of God. What I take away from this is that one criteria of friendship is the constant acknowledgment of the reality of the greatness of God. If you know people like that, keep them close. Allow them to inspire you.

Have you ever asked yourself what or whom the people around you fear? It is a question with revealing answers. Do they fear people? …Things? …Creatures? …Situations? If they reserve fear for the One who deserves to be feared, they are allowed on the “friends” knit together list.

Keep :Shamar

Strong’s Number: 08104

to keep, guard, observe, give heed

(Qal)

to keep, have charge of

to keep, guard,

keep watch and ward, protect, save life

watch, watchman (participle)

to watch for, wait for

to watch, observe

to keep, retain, treasure up (in memory)

to keep (within bounds), restrain

to observe, celebrate, keep (sabbath or covenant or commands), perform (vow)

to keep, preserve, protect

to keep, reserve

(Niphal)

to be on one’s guard, take heed, take care, beware

to keep oneself, refrain, abstain

to be kept, be guarded

(Piel) to keep, pay heed

(Hithpael) to keep oneself from

 

King James Word Usage – Total: 468

keep 283,

observe 46,

heed 35,

keeper 28,

preserve 21,

beware 9,

mark 8,

watchman 8,

wait 7,

watch 7,

regard 5,

save 2,

miscellaneous 9

Friends are to be keepers. They remember. They observe, and wait. Good friends have good personal boundaries keeping themselves from harm. People who get to be on the “knit list” value celebration, and routines. They are true to their word and can be counted on.

Precepts: Piqqud

Strong’s Number:   06490

1. precept, statute

King James Word Usage – Total: 24

precept 21,

commandment 2,

statute 1

From: Paqad 6485

to attend to, muster, number, reckon, visit, punish, appoint, look after, care for

(Qal)

to pay attention to, observe

to attend to

to seek, look about for

to seek in vain, need, miss, lack

to visit

to visit upon, punish

to pass in review, muster, number

to appoint, assign, lay upon as a charge, deposit

(Niphal)

to be sought, be needed, be missed, be lacking

to be visited

to be visited upon

to be appointed

to be watched over

(Piel) to muster, call up

(Pual) to be passed in review, be caused to miss, be called, be called to account

(Hiphil)

to set over, make overseer, appoint an overseer

to commit, entrust, commit for care, deposit

(Hophal)

to be visited

to be deposited

to be made overseer, be entrusted

(Hithpael)

numbered

(Hothpael)

numbered,

musterings, expenses

King James Word Usage – Total: 305

number 119, visit 59, punish 31, appoint 14, commit 6, miss 6, set 6, charge 5, governor 5, lack 4, oversight 4, officers 4, counted 3, empty 3, ruler 3, overseer 3, judgment 2, miscellaneous 28

Real friends have a treasury of certain things. These things are on deposit with them from Yahweh Himself. We ordinarily think of them as rules and redundancies that make life boring but I have learned that these are not just laws to be obeyed or events that cause so much stress. Precepts and Statutes are directives – God’s direction for rules of action or conduct. They are injunctions and procedures that impact real life. Your life. My life. And they can be life giving and filled with joy.

God’s basic directive for knitting people together in snug friendship stitches is this:

• To fear The Maker of Heaven and Earth

• To do whatever God directs them to do

• To order their lives according to His directives and protect that as a treasured routine

How do you see companionship after reading through Psalm 119:63? Let me know in the comments below.

This care giving journey is a God-fearing, keeping journey. My relationships have realigned joyfully because God’s directive to give thanks has been put into practice. May this joy be yours as well. Amen

 

Food As Consumed

 

Proverbs is one of the Wisdom books of the Bible. It has some interesting things to say about food that readers of modern translations may not fully appreciate.

Whoever loves discipline, loves knowledge but he who hates correction is stupid. Proverbs 12:1 NIV

To any parent that verse is plain. If you correct a child over and over again but they continue on doing as they choose, one might say they lack sense. The verse and its meaning are obvious.  It may even be simple to some folks but not to me.

Not being stupid has been somewhat of a goal over the course of my life. Now that I’m older, occasionally, a person here or there will even say I’m smart. That feels good even when it is not true. None of us knows everything. Such goals and thinking were making me miss the point entirely.

With the rest of everyone around me, I believed the Scripture above to be talking about the English word ‘stupid’ instead of going to the real Hebrew meaning of the word. While reading my Bible the other day I decided to ask the question, “What is ‘stupid’?”

Fleshing that nuance of truth out provided me with the realization of years of wasted effort. Let’s see if we can work through this realignment and make our lives reflect #GodsWayNotMine and use our time more efficiently on purpose.

The English definition of ‘stupid’ is:

1. lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull.

      2. characterized by or proceeding from mental dullness; foolish; senseless:

      a stupid question.

      3. tediously dull, especially due to lack of meaning or sense; inane; pointless:

      a stupid party.

     4. annoying or irritating; troublesome:

      Turn off that stupid radio.

     5. in a state of stupor; stupefied:

      stupid from fatigue.

     6. Slang. excellent; terrific.

      noun

     7. Informal. a stupid person.

(Source: dictionary.com)

In actuality the proper translation of this word as it is used in Proverbs is “food as consumed” which makes a lot more sense.

H198 – Ba`ar Most often used as ‘burn’, this word carries the picture of being burned cattle eaten by people or being grazed over grasslands that the cattle eat. (I used the My Sword app on my android phone as a source but you can also study this in more detail using biblestudytools.com where you will find the description brutish. That term comes from this word’s connection to the cattle raised for food.)

Food as consumed.

Therefore, following the logical wisdom of Proverbs, people who choose to hate correction are “food” just as the jungle animals view humans as simply another resource.

 

(In jungle book, Mowgli cautions jungle travelers to be careful because the jungle animals see them as “food”. In the 1994 version of the remake, Bagheera watches from among jungle greenery and catches the eye of a bad guy to make Mowgli’s point that much more dramatic. LOVE that version. )

So PAY ATTENTION! 

This matches with all the surrounding texts about advice. Learn how to take advice. Be selective based on the guidelines set out in Scripture but do pay attention to what you are told, why and whether or not it is true and valuable. Then do something with the advice you receive. To do otherwise is to make yourself a prey to hunters who,like Kaa, are hungry… some are even hungry for your soul. 

 
For on account of a prostitute one is reduced to a piece of bread [to be eaten up],
And the immoral woman hunts [with a hook] the precious life [of a man].
Proverbs 6:26 Amplified Bible (AMP)

This is important especially to the previously abandoned. Often they perceive themselves as prey that no one will protect.

I remember one gal I spoke with described her frustration with trusting people as having a sign on her forehead inviting people to do whatever they wanted with her. Sometimes she thinks about it. Sometimes she doesn’t. Being preyed upon always catches her by surprise and has impacted her children as well.

So sad.

Here in Proverbs there is a realignment that provides a solution. Hallelujah! Thank you God!

Love discipline. Love knowledge

To be put another way, create a delight in your heart to do the right thing over and over and over again. Add to that a sincere seeking out of truth as it applies to each situation, and to the people involved including yourself. A little science. A few boundaries. A lot of love.

This is the practical way. This is God’s way.

The path of Love and Knowledge ensures you do not end up as someone else’s dinner. (Two wrongs do not make a right. Eating people is wrong! Trying to take God’s job of executing wrath on wrongdoers is wrong. Hannibal is wrong and his thinking is twisted.

¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”^[a] says the Lord. Romans 12:19 NIV)

Yet that movie also makes an interesting social point like Alice in Wonderland or Animal Farm make political ones.

That point? People consume people. Doing so is vile on a variety of levels..

In case you are thinking that eating people is a concept best left to the Donner party  or crazy movie characters, God talks about this same idea when He spoke though Micah. Apparently people have less compunctions about eating people’s lives than they do about eating people’s flesh but the reality is that both are just as dastardly…uh… stupid.

The words of Micah,  “The word of the Lord that came to Micah of Moresheth during the reigns of Jotham, Ahaz and Hezekiah, kings of Judah—the vision he saw concerning Samaria and Jerusalem. Hear, you peoples, all of you, listen, earth and all who live in it, that the Sovereign Lord may bear witness against you, the Lord from his holy temple.”

Micah 3

 Then I said,

“Listen, you leaders of Jacob,
you rulers of Israel.
Should you not embrace justice,
2     you who hate good and love evil;
who tear the skin from my people
and the flesh from their bones;
3 who eat my people’s flesh,
strip off their skin
and break their bones in pieces;
who chop them up like meat for the pan,
like flesh for the pot?”

4 Then they will cry out to the Lord,
but he will not answer them.
At that time he will hide his face from them
because of the evil they have done.

5 This is what the Lord says:

“As for the prophets
who lead my people astray,
they proclaim ‘peace’
if they have something to eat,
but prepare to wage war against anyone
who refuses to feed them.
6 Therefore night will come over you, without visions,
and darkness, without divination.
The sun will set for the prophets,
and the day will go dark for them.
7 The seers will be ashamed
and the diviners disgraced.
They will all cover their faces
because there is no answer from God.”
8 But as for me, I am filled with power,
with the Spirit of the Lord,
and with justice and might,
to declare to Jacob his transgression,
to Israel his sin.

9 Hear this, you leaders of Jacob,
you rulers of Israel,
who despise justice
and distort all that is right;
10 who build Zion with bloodshed,
and Jerusalem with wickedness.
11 Her leaders judge for a bribe,
her priests teach for a price,
and her prophets tell fortunes for money.
Yet they look for the Lord’s support and say,
“Is not the Lord among us?
No disaster will come upon us.”
12 Therefore because of you,
Zion will be plowed like a field,
Jerusalem will become a heap of rubble,
the temple hill a mound overgrown with thickets.

This is a picture of the Temple in Jerusalem in ruins and thickets. Temples made by man will come to ruin but you are the temple of the Holy Spirit. Food for thought, is it not?

Abiding Belief

What do you carry with you? What do you keep when life’s events are finished?

What spirit abides with you on your journey and away from it?

The power of abiding belief.

7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.
2 Timothy 1:7 (AMPC)

In 2016 a few excursions from regular life helped to cement in my mind and heart exactly what I believe in and if what I believe stays in my life for the long term.

In the Spring, I got a new job. We did rental move-out cleaning. Training was on an as needed basis. Every day I went to work the work itself was different; the job required different skills, different cleaners, different approaches, different techniques. Even the person we did the cleaning for changed. Would we be cleaning for a homeowner, a Realtor, or one of several different property management companies each with their own set of standards?

Nothing was ever the same except these things. It remained that if people were not messy I would not be working that day. To get clean there must first be a mess. It also remained that I still had only one boss; I must work as if I were reporting directly to the King of the Universe Himself.

22 Servants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not only when their eyes are on you as pleasers of men, but in simplicity of purpose [with all your heart] because of your reverence for the Lord and as a sincere expression of your devotion to Him.

23 Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men,

24 Knowing [with all certainty] that it is from the Lord [and not from men] that you will receive the inheritance which is your [real] reward. [The One Whom] you are actually serving [is] the Lord Christ (the Messiah). Colossians 3:22-24 (AMPC)

Who I serve was no longer a matter of whose names were on the paycheck. Who I worked for became  — out of necessity —  a matter of believing in what God’s role in my life at the time was and a deeply held belief that obedience to His word trumped all other input. These beliefs enabled me to do a good job with a good attitude.

What you carry with you through changing circumstances is very important. It is called an abiding belief. It is a belief that lives in you like protons and electrons live in the surging forces of the Sun.

Last December I experienced abiding belief in a judicial setting. My first time ever to serve God and my community as a juror brought about a lot of pleading with God for wisdom as well as conversations with Him about daily circumstances.

The charge against the defendant: Attempted rape of a child in the first degree. The instruction from the defense: innocent until proven guilty. Instruction from the judge: Pay attention to everyone’s demeanor. My heart’s cry: Please God, don’t let me screw this up!

Prosecuting attorney:

“If at the end of today, tomorrow, next week, two years from now you still think you made the right decision, That is abiding belief. We are asking you to make a decision without all the facts. We are asking you to decide if this man is guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt or if he is innocent. The choice is yours. …”

All sorts of persuasive speeches lobbied for my attention. Yet, this one thing remained; God is the true Judge. 

16 Moreover, I saw under the sun that in the place of justice there was wickedness, and that in the place of righteousness wickedness was there also.

17 I said in my heart, God will judge the righteous and the wicked, for there is a time [appointed] for every matter and purpose and for every work. Ecclesiastes 3:16-17 (AMPC)

The defendant was found guilty by a unanimous decision among the jurors. A series of events over time and demeanor of the defendant were the major topics during deliberations. Yes, Months have gone by and I still think we made the right choice. I have abiding belief in that choice.

It was a wonder to watch God’s justice unfold. As I prayed, God brought Scripture to mind. As I prayed more, God’s Word was enacted right in front of me …several times with several Scriptures. When I left that final evening I was so stoked that being in a hurry to prepare Dad’s house for his homecoming didn’t fluster me a bit. 

Abiding belief creates joy. Who knew?

From that moment on my abiding belief that God orchestrates circumstances for His glory and purposes has carried itself over to affect my daily life.

These days I live out of my suitcase between two homes as my husband and I try to care the best we can for his aging Dad who is in need of 24/7 supervision. Being ready at a moments notice is a shock to my system. Feeling at home in someone else’s house is a huge change. Keeping my established habits fit the range of problematic. The each thing I keep around me in my own home comes into life’s ring to be challenged for its right to exist. I am now responsible for four bathrooms, two kitchens, five bedrooms, an individual dementia care plan and the care giving associated with it, two grocery and home maintenance shopping lists…. Well, you get the idea. Things that aid organization and anti-inflammatory living are suitcase essentials right along side the hair brush and comfy clothes.

I am learning, among other things, that what I put in that suitcase matters a great deal to me. It matters because I need it in both places and would suffer consequences if it were missing. I have to plan for its maintenance and refill.

What can I live without? What is necessary to have within reach at all times for my emotional and physical well being? Is the attachment I feel towards an item appropriate or way out of whack?

Sometimes I feel selfish about what I carry with me but those feelings really set me back. What I believe about what I carry must be strong enough to last through anything.

Many things have been defeated in the life ring but this one thing remains; Those that care for others must care for themselves. It is right in here as one of the greatest commandments.

28 Then one of the scribes came up and listened to them disputing with one another, and, noticing that Jesus answered them fitly and admirably, he asked Him, Which commandment is first and most important of all [[a]in its nature]?

29 Jesus answered, The first and principal one of all commands is: Hear, O Israel, The Lord our God is one Lord;

30 And you shall love the Lord your God [b]out of and with your whole heart and out of and with all your soul (your [c]life) and out of and with all your mind (with [d]your faculty of thought and your moral understanding) and out of and with all your strength. [e]This is the first and principal commandment.

31 The second is like it and is this, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.

32 And the scribe said to Him, Excellently and fitly and admirably answered, Teacher! You have said truly that He is One, and there is no other but Him;

33 And to love Him out of and with all the heart and with all the understanding [with the [f]faculty of quick apprehension and intelligence and keenness of discernment] and with all the strength, and to love one’s neighbor as oneself, is much more than all the whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.

34 And when Jesus saw that he answered intelligently (discreetly and [g]having his wits about him), He said to him, You are not far from the kingdom of God. And after that no one ventured or dared to ask Him any further question. Mark 12:28-34 (AMPC)

You see, Friend, what you carry with you is very important. It may be in a suitcase as you endeavor to multitask. It may be in your heart guiding your attitude on difficult work days. It may pronounce verdicts after serious considerations. Of the things we all carry, abiding belief – that thought, decision or creed that stays with you no matter where you go or how long you stay – is very, very important.

In the Hospital

Relationships can be filled with adventure.

As I sit here in a hospital room waiting for my father-in-law to get back from his echo test and his dementia puts a Do-Not-Resusitate order within our sphere of knowledge, new angles to the adventure of long term relationships present themselves to my totally attentive gaze.

Sometimes relationships need a hospital.

This day when I was super emotional and forgetting all about food, God used two  special people I hadn’t seen for a long time to visit, think about food and to offer me some. Initially, I intended to refuse the offer but a still small whisper that only I could hear instructed, “Let them help” so my hesitation turned into, “That would be lovely.” Isn’t it great how my Heavenly Father works good into my life!

Thanks, ladies. That burrito was just what I needed. Even though I haven’t had beans for about two years now, they didn’t seem to phase me. (That right there is a huge God-gift!) The amount of food was perfect to take me through the  rest of the day.

 Sometimes relationships just need the crisis of illness to improve. Sometimes our connections are the patients in need of their own kind of  medical attention.

As I observed Dad and the hospital staff, similarities to our more intangible personhood emerged. Relationships in a brick and mortar hospital have a lot to say about relationships out side of these antiseptic, neutral colored halls.

Relationships in the hospital:

• Two parties involved experience helplessness in varying degrees
• One is considerably less able than the other to meet needs and facilitate healing
• Knowledge of the truth is key to good decision making
• Resisting help causes more harm than good
• Help comes from more than one person
• Help comes from more than one “tool”
• People in hospitals – doctors, nurses, patients and families- tend not to communicate well. One person who is there with the patient ALL the time can help them connect needed information (Isaiah 46:3-4)
  
• Relationships in hospitals are necessary but stressful

 

There are some relationships we take to the hospital expecting a full recovery. Others we allow to go through their usefulness cycle and die naturally like the deciduous leaves on trees. Still others we decide not to work on at all. Each choice is valid and comes with its own set of guidelines.

Relationships can go to hospitals. These will seldom ever look the same; Talks with friends, professional counseling with clergy, hiring a psychologist, or simple personal soul searching. But the best of help for relationship comes from the One who made us and knows us best… The LORD himself.

Dad will have to go to a skilled nursing facility next. From there we hope to take him back home and set up a care-giver situation. Right now, I am the link to them all.

Because I am here, giving my time and attention, I am learning how to take care of him. I am learning how he – in his new frame of mind- communicates. God knows all this but I have to learn it…patiently…with love.

“Beloved, let us love one another. For love is of God … 1 John 4:7,8

This adventure is going to be a relationship boot camp of sorts. Loving kindness is always an adventure.

Be encouraged. God himself walks with us in our relationships … in relationship hospitals and their multiple adventures.

The Ghost in My Life

In this personal journey of healing from and living with the scars of abandonment, especially when I was going through my dad’s things after he died, much time was invested with the cliché “skeleton (s)” in the closet of our family. While this was a valuable time, it resulted in little or no attention given to the breezy but influential ghost in my own life.

Ghosts seem so mysterious but Christ understands them completely.  With His help, I am investing a bit of time sorting out truth from fiction, apparition from power, within the confines of my own experience. I would be honored if you would join me in the investigation.

As I often do, sharing the clarity of terms seems appropriate. What is a ghost?

Ghost — Strong’s number 4151 —  pneuma :- wind, breath; things that are commonly perceived as having no material substance; by extension, spirit, heart, mind, the immaterial part of the inner person that can respond to God; spirit being; evil spirit; ghost, God, the Holy spirit.

[from 4154 – pneō:-to blow (of wind) / from

1606 ekpneō:- to breath one’s last breath, die

1709 empneō:- to breathe,

2315 theopneustos:- God breathed, inspired by God, referring to a communication from deity,

4151 (see above),

4152 pneumatikōs:- spiritual, pertaining to the spirit,

4157 pnoē:- wind, breath,

5285 hypopneō:- to blow gently (of wind)

My ghost has a name. Control.

I can give up my ghost “control”. I can choose to employ the power of another Ghost “Control”. Notice the capitalization difference? This option happens as often as I have the ability and the inclination to choose. (That’s true of you too, by the way.)

Paul urges us to walk in the wind at all times … God’s Holy Breath, the capital “C” Control. Self control is a gift of the Holy Ghost. To be sure, walking in the same direction as the powerful breath of God sure beats walking in opposition to it. We have a choice. Wind walking can be scary and debilitating or it can be an energy charged blast.

So what happens if I ride on the wind? What does it look like to walk with,instead of against, the wind?

16 But I say, walk and live [habitually] in the [Holy] Spirit [responsive to and controlled and guided by the Spirit]; then you will certainly not gratify the cravings and desires of the flesh (of human nature without God).  Galatians 5:16 (AMPC)

**

22 But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness,

23 Gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [[a]that can bring a charge].

24 And those who belong to Christ Jesus (the Messiah) have crucified the flesh (the godless human nature) with its passions and appetites and desires.  Galatians 5:22-24 (AMPC)

**

25 If we live by the [Holy] Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. [If by the Holy Spirit [a]we have our life in God, let us go forward [b]walking in line, our conduct controlled by the Spirit.] Galatians 5:25 (AMPC) 

**

4 By means of these He has bestowed on us His precious and exceedingly great promises, so that through them you may escape [by flight] from the moral decay (rottenness and corruption) that is in the world because of covetousness (lust and greed), and become sharers (partakers) of the divine nature.

5 For this very reason, [a]adding your diligence [to the divine promises], employ every effort in [b]exercising your faith to develop virtue (excellence, resolution, Christian energy), and in [exercising] virtue [develop] knowledge (intelligence),

6 And in [exercising] knowledge [develop] self-control, and in [exercising] self-control [develop] steadfastness (patience, endurance), and in [exercising] steadfastness [develop] godliness (piety),

7 And in [exercising] godliness [develop] brotherly affection, and in [exercising] brotherly affection [develop] Christian love.

8 For as these qualities are yours and increasingly abound in you, they will keep [you] from being idle or unfruitful unto the [[c]full personal] knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).

9 For whoever lacks these qualities is blind, [[d]spiritually] shortsighted,[e]seeing only what is near to him, and has become oblivious [to the fact] that he was cleansed from his old sins. 2 Peter 1:4-9  (AMPC)

That word “temperance” in verse six is another form of self-control. Looking at the word in the depth of its color… or should I say… in its spectrum of velocity…we can gain a better understanding of the strength available to us in our relationships.

Temperance 1466 enkrateia:- self control [from 1722 +2904 (en:-spatial – with among, logical – because of, Time – during, while) + (kratos:- power, strength, dominion/

from 

192 :Lack of self control, excess

193 Without self-control, incontinent,

1466, See above

1467, To have control of one’s self, contained.

1468 Disciplined, self-controlled,

2888 Powers of the world,

2900 Mighty, powerful,

2902 To arrest, seize into custody, to take, grab, hold on, obtain; to be kept from, held,

2903 most excellent, “Your Excellency”,

2908 & 2909 better, superior, greater,

3841 Almighty; this title for God translates the Hebrew 7372 “Lord of Hosts” (the heavenly armies), and Hebrew 8724, “Shaddai,” (probably) God the Mountain, powerful, immovable

So what I came away with from these definitions is that no matter where I am or who I’m with or what is being communicated, the LORD’s mighty power is the only power I need to help me. The strength and Majesty of the Mountain lives and moves me to conduct myself correctly. I especially like that 2902 word. Take hold. Grab onto Holy Ghost Control.

How might this work in relationship?

So my sister – older by 15 months – has difficulty treating me as an adult. Is it merely a quirk of birth order… this quest of hers to control something in my life… any least little thing? Of course not. It is a choice.

I could choose to wallow in anger and defiance employing several counter control measures. OR I could choose to call on the Name of the LORD, my Holy Ghost, to work and to witness through me to her.

Since I have opted to employ another Ghost, her control issues are no longer my problem and neither are my own control issues. I can blow them off in the name and power of the Holy Spirit. Living in the wind of the Holy Spirit, I can choose to communicate in such a way that both of us are clear about who controls me.

7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 (AMPC)

The Ghost in my life is precious and life-giving. Relationships are just better when you take time to pay attention to The Spirit.

Got Storms? Consider the LORD.

 

Storms

Wind

Rain

Disturbance

Sudden

Violent

Forceful

Stirring

Commotion

Heavy

Damage

Storms

Verbal

Powerful

Positional

Attack

Advance without warning

Doubt

Mistrust

Betrayal

Criticism

Rage

Complaint

Assault

Subjugated

Helpless

Storms…

Waves Rage

The Rock

Stands

Firm

 

Our Rock

Most High

All Powerful

Provider

Rescuer

Redeemer

Savior

Healer

Works Wonders

 Wise

 

The Lord Delivers Men from Manifold Troubles.

107 Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good,
For His loving kindness is everlasting.
2 Let the redeemed of the Lord say so,
Whom He has redeemed from the hand of the adversary
3 And gathered from the lands,
From the east and from the west,
From the north and from the [a]south.

4 They wandered in the wilderness in a [b]desert region;
They did not find a way to [c]an inhabited city.
5 They were hungry [d]and thirsty;
Their soul fainted within them.
6 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble;
He delivered them out of their distresses.
7 He led them also by a [e]straight way,
To go to [f]an inhabited city.
8 Let them give thanks to the Lord for His loving kindness,
And for His [g]wonders to the sons of men!
9 For He has satisfied the [h]thirsty soul,
And the hungry soul He has filled with what is good.

10 There were those who dwelt in darkness and in the shadow of death,
Prisoners in [i]misery and [j]chains,
11 Because they had rebelled against the words of God
And spurned the counsel of the Most High.
12 Therefore He humbled their heart with labor;
They stumbled and there was none to help.
13 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble;
He saved them out of their distresses.
14 He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death
And broke their bands apart.
15 Let them give thanks to the Lord for His loving kindness,
And for His [k]wonders to the sons of men!
16 For He has shattered gates of bronze
And cut bars of iron asunder.

17 Fools, because of [l]their rebellious way,
And because of their iniquities, were afflicted.
18 Their soul abhorred all kinds of food,
And they drew near to the gates of death.
19 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble;
He saved them out of their distresses.
20 He sent His word and healed them,
And delivered them from their [m] destructions.
21 Let them give thanks to the Lord for His loving kindness,
And for His [n]wonders to the sons of men!
22 Let them also offer sacrifices of thanksgiving,
And tell of His works with joyful singing.

 

23 Those who go down to the sea in ships,
Who do business on great waters;
24 They have seen the works of the Lord,
And His [o]wonders in the deep.
25 For He spoke and raised up a stormy wind,
Which lifted up the waves [p]of the sea.
26 They rose up to the heavens, they went down to the depths;
Their soul melted away in their misery.
27 They reeled and staggered like a drunken man,
And [q]were at their wits’ end.
28 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
And He brought them out of their distresses.

29 He caused the storm to be still,
So that the waves [r]of the sea were hushed.
30 Then they were glad because they were quiet,
So He guided them to their desired haven.
31 Let them give thanks to the Lord for His loving kindness,
And for His [s]wonders to the sons of men!
32 Let them extol Him also in the congregation of the people,
And praise Him at the seat of the elders.

33 He [t]changes rivers into a [u]wilderness
And springs of water into a thirsty ground;
34 A fruitful land into a salt waste,
Because of the wickedness of those who dwell in it.
35 He [v]changes a [w]wilderness into a pool of water
And a dry land into springs of water;
36 And there He makes the hungry to dwell,
So that they may establish [x]an inhabited city,
37 And sow fields and plant vineyards,
And [y]gather a fruitful harvest.
38 Also He blesses them and they multiply greatly,
And He does not let their cattle decrease.

39 When they are diminished and bowed down
Through oppression, misery and sorrow,
40 He pours contempt upon [z]princes
And makes them wander in a pathless waste.
41 But He sets the needy [aa]securely on high away from affliction,
And makes his families like a flock.
42 The upright see it and are glad;
But all unrighteousness shuts its mouth.
43 Who is wise? Let him give heed to these things,
And consider the loving kindnesses of the Lord. Psalm 107 (NASB)

Compassionately Challenged

Compassion challenged? Me too.

One of the consequences of emotional abandonment during childhood is perpetually sorting out things like compassion. You know…that trait all of humanity is called upon to express during global catastrophe – hurricane damage, or famine,  for example- or national traditions like Thanksgiving ripe with donation campaigns, or whatever the latest do-gooder trend happens to be.

I have found that I care, I just don’t care like I’m expected to. Sorting out an intangible word like compassion can be difficult. The concept of being mindful of someone else’s needs requires huge amounts of attention and energy… energy I don’t always have available.

This is true for the abandoned person because compassion has not been modelled nor encouraged. Self preservation emotionally and sometimes physically has been the primary focus for a very long time.

Though compassion can be a learned skill set, even a practiced skill, the abandoned person who suffered this neglect in childhood will …this side of heaven…need repeat mentoring  and encouragement in the area of compassion. One day we wake up and discover that we want to employ compassionate actions ( like have children of our own) and we fumble miserably through our attempts to express compassion appropriately when left to our own devices.

Some well meaning person may call us out for apparent neglect of our community. Then BAM! Suddenly this compassion thing has a value we never knew existed and we have no clue how to accomplish what is required.

Because a new skill set has precious value, efforts are made to gain mastery and to continue on in this new adventure. To the now grown person previously abandoned – currently in healthy relationships or not- these efforts that seem like a “well, DUH!” situation to everyone else are in reality a huge and embarrassing , “I don’t get it.”

Every effort at compassion is fought for; fought for like the Revolutionary War. Little by little small skirmishes strategically converge and we pray to God for a battle victory and ground we can hold onto.

Though compassion is a big deal to me, it is not a big deal to God. Read that slowly. Compassion is not a big deal to God. Compassion is mentioned 41 times in all of Scripture. Charity a mere 28 times. Compare this with the word “mercy” that gets a whopping 276 mentions. So which concept do you think God wants to be sure we understand? If you said “mercy”, we are agreed.

When it comes to the word “compassion”, it’s like God said, “This is compassion. This is how you work it. Do it. I’m done talking about it.”

COMPASSION:

H2550-chamal:- to commiserate;by implication, to spare ( This is the same compassion the princess of Egypt had on Moses when she drew him up out if the water.)

H7355-  raw-kham  :- to fondle; by implication, to love, to have compassion on

H7356- Racham:- compassion in the plural; by extension, the womb ( as cherishing the unborn baby)

H7349- Racham:- full of compassion, merciful

Greek 4697- splagchnizomai:- to have the bowels yearn;  to have sympathy or pity

G1653- eleeo:- to be compassionate ( by word or deed, specifically by Divine grace)

G3356- metriopatheo -to be moderate in passion; gentle, to treat indulgently

G4834- sympathetic:- to feel sympathy for; to commiserate

G4835- sumpathes:-having a fellow feeling; mutually commiserate

So here’s a few things God’s word tells me about compassion that I can use in realigning my relationships from unhealthy to healthy:

• The birth of the Hebrew Nation through Abraham and the promise of a homeland began with an abandoned child upon whom God poured out His compassion — Ezekiel 16:5 and the same is true of Moses in Exodus 2:6
• Anger does not allow compassion — Deuteronomy 13:17
• Loving (holding onto) what God condemns prevents Him from showing compassion to us — Deuteronomy
• When you and your children return to God and obey Him with your whole heart THEN God will show His compassion to His people
• Acts of compassion are evidence of God’s blessing — 1Samuel 23:21
• Compassion is shown by outsiders (Captors) to God’s people by God’s answer to pleading prayers simply because those pleading belong to Him. –2 Chronicles 30:9
• God’s compassion is motivated by covenant relationship — 2 Kings 13:23
• God sends His Word to His people because He is compassionate — 2Chronicles 36:15-19
• The result of compassion is the active remembrance of God’s wonders — Psalm 111:4
• The “light” of the people of God in the darkness is composed of 1) grace, 2) compassion, & 3)righteousness — Psalm 112:4
• Compassion is made up of 1) being slow to anger, 2) exercising great mercy — Psalm 145:8
• A mother can forget compassion but God does not — Isaiah 49:15
• The compassion of God brings people from the yucky places they are to the wonderful places they should be — Jeremiah 12:15
• God can cause grief and yet have compassion — Lamentations 3:32
• God’s compassion conquers our iniquities and casts our sins into the sea — Micah 7:19

These are amazing truths of the old Testament that are just as true today. Compassion is not as daunting as I thought. How can it be when , by definition, God does all the hard stuff?

Live blessed dear children of abandonment. God does not abandon children or the adults they grow up to be. His words and deeds prove that we are cherished beyond all the pain and struggles we experience.

Compassion challenged? Maybe. But God is not…ever. We are so blessed that we don’t have to be compassionate on our own. God helps us whenever we ask Him to be compassionate in word and deed according to His will, His covenant, and His Great mercy. Compassion challenged? Maybe. But God is not…ever.

Forgive Him?

(This post is re-published from  Brought About  July 28, 2013. #Forgiveness is a skill set worth training ourselves to master because real healing is worth it.)

Jesus teaches we should forgive anyone, forgive them anything, even forgive them for the same offense as many times as they ask for it (Matthew 18: 21,22).

There is a human teaching that says we (the Christian community anyway) are supposed to forgive anyone, anything, any time, even if they are not there and do not ask. I most certainly and with much intensity of heart do not agree. Before you blow off that thought please consider that to do so degrades everyone and relegates attempts at justice to the level of a bad joke. Rather, the Word of God, the Truth, teaches us to love justice, to walk tall before, during, and after an offense.The Lord’s solutions take into consideration every contingency.

I think God created his creatures to deal with a ‘right’ and a ‘wrong’ no mater what culture one comes from, generation one belongs to, or which community one lives in.

My own dilemma: Should I forgive Dad for leaving and then abandoning me when I was little. He wasn’t around. Should I hate him for the rest of my life?

As I watch people, I see the burden and twisting of life that can occur when humans set themselves up as judge, jury, bailiff, and armed guard simultaneously, ready to escort the wrongdoer to experience the justice they so deserve. I see those who long for justice and get nothing except a toxic bitterness where healing balm should be.

It is important to note that forgiveness can and cannot do certain things. Forgiveness does not equal: making justice disappear, does not dissolve consequences, does not forget events or the pain received from them, nor abandon the truth.  Forgiveness does accept the reality of each event, cleans and refreshes my heart, converts my attitude from hostile to friendly, and sets my own heart free.

How do I forgive without making justice a joke?

Let God be God and leave room for his loving me, His clear view of the whole picture, and His administration of any punishment that needs to occur.

Then wait in a way that is active. Declare indictments. Be honest. Point out to certain persons the truth of a situation. Warn them concerning a particular error. Listen well. Adjust my own perspective if needed.

Do I? Not half so much as I would like or think is necessary but the point is that I can declare these things out loud and still be right with God.

God does not teach us to be doormats. There are right ways and wrong ways to do this, however, and distorting proper procedure here is often the cause of a sullied relationship with God, even with people.

Here is Biblical guidance on the subject:

Romans 12:17-21 (AMP)

17 Repay no one evil for evil, but take thought for what is honest and proper and noble [aiming to be above reproach] in the sight of everyone.

18 If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for [God’s] wrath; for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay (requite), says the Lord.

20 But if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head.

21 Do not let yourself be overcome by evil, but overcome (master) evil with good.

Shall I pardon or acquit? Will it help if I bang the gavel and pronounce the punishment? These tasks belong to the True Judge. When I train myself to appeal to God for his judgment on the matter at hand, the people involved, and the impact of decisions, I experience peace … with myself and with God. How often? As often as these come to mind.

Incidentally, Dad called one afternoon when I was all grown up and had children of my own. His heart, choked with emotion, spoke, “Honey, I’m sorry for our un-family.”

My first reaction was That’s all I get!?! but training in forgiveness was applied. “Dad, I forgive you.” With this reply our relationship healed in both directions. Real healing is the best kind of healing and worth the wait.

Just a Thought: Who Measures Out Forgiveness?

Just a thought about forgiveness. Have you ever considered that it’s not our place at all to measure out forgiveness? Is that too contrary a thought for you to consider?

I hear many things about forgiveness. Each declaration made as if it were from the mouth of God, fitting for all who would listen. That deserves a challenge. Indeed it’s begging for one.

Blind forgiveness tramples on the hearts of the hurting and the justice of an Almighty God. It is a reckless and unloving way of living which gives birth to more wrong-doing. Whereas properly executed forgiveness is a life-giving treasure.

32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving [5483] each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven [a]you. Ephesians 4:32 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

What does forgiveness mean?

There is more than one word for it. Even in the same passage, concordances disagree. ( I hate it when that happens!!) One says it is to grant a pardon. Another says it is to hand over into custody. Who is right? I will go with the latter because it fits with what the rest of Scripture says about God and people. On the desk today is “the Strongest Strong’s” published by Zondervan and I really like its computer generated content.

Ephesians 4:32 uses Strong’s number 5483 – charizomai:- to give grace; to forgive, cancel (a debt); to hand over into custody.

Forgiveness and judgment walk together. In order to forgive one must decide not only the details of the offense (a debt being a legal, contractual matter) but also how to respond to that offense appropriately for all concerned. Judgment comes into play. Paul cautions us not to judge anything before the appointed time –

4 I am not conscious of anything against myself, and I feel blameless; but I am not vindicated and acquitted before God on that account. It is the Lord [Himself] Who examines and judges me.

5 So do not make any hasty or premature judgments before the time when the Lord comes [again], for He will both bring to light the secret things that are [now hidden] in darkness and disclose and expose the [secret] aims (motives and purposes) of hearts. Then every man will receive his [due] commendation from God.

6 Now I have applied all this [about parties and factions] to myself and Apollos for your sakes, brethren, so that from what I have said of us [as illustrations], you may learn [to think of men in accordance with Scripture and] not to go beyond that which is written, that none of you may be puffed up and inflated with pride and boast in favor of one [minister and teacher] against another. 1 Corinthians 4:4-6 Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)

So what do we do?

Only God is the judge. Although humanity loves to judge things and people, when it comes to details, the whole story and the secret matters of the soul, only God can judge and He does. Humans do not, nor have they ever had, the authority to grant a pardon. Jesus does. God does. We do not.

Properly speaking, we pray (talk to God about the whole thing), handing the offender over to the custody of God for His decision in the matter. God decides what happens in the Spiritual realm and makes it so in the earthly realm.

Paul handed one sex offender and two blasphemers over to Satan in the presence of God. I can just imagine the earthly view of  this spiritual war veteran on his knees in a small gathering of close knit ministers of the Gospel taking care of business. The heavenly view of the same moment includes this band of earthly prayer warriors bowing down before God’s throne speaking in turn about the people of Corinth, begging for the Kingdom of God to be upheld and advanced. When God speaks they rise and are filled with the boldness only He can give.

4 In the name of our Lord Jesus, when you are assembled, and [a]I with you in spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus, 5 I have decided to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord [b]Jesus.

6 Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough? 1 Corinthians 5:4-6 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

And

18 This command I entrust to you, Timothy, my [a]son, in accordance with the prophecies previously made concerning you, that by them you fight the good fight, 19 keeping faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and suffered shipwreck in regard to [b]their faith. 20 [c]Among these are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan, so that they will be taught not to blaspheme. 1 Timothy 1:18-20 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

I hear all kinds of things about forgiveness that impart the flavor of bland mush to the Christian life. In reality it is anything but bland. It’s not blind either. True forgiveness is totally in the service of God, for the working out of His purposes, according to His will.

Unfortunately, forgiveness is the go-to word when a wrong committed is shared within a Christian community. “oh,but you have to forgive ….” Oh no I don’t. God can forgive them if He wants to after I completely lay out my case before His throne…just like Paul did. As I make the effort to release them into God’s custody (sometimes moment by moment as often as the heavy, angry, energy draining thoughts come ) I am in effect leaving room for God’s wrath. When I take matters into my own hands and deliver my own judgment, I am actually getting in the way of God’s effective handling of the situation. Paul would not consider the custody of a soul, any soul, a trivial matter to be handled by men alone. No, he made sure he was in the presence of God Himself acting and choosing according to His master’s will.

“But doesn’t the Bible say you have to forgive? Shouldn’t I forgive 70 times 7 times?” Yes.

That word “forgive” in Matthew 18 is a different word. Strong’s number 863 – aphiēmi:- to forgive, pardon, remit, cancel; to leave, abandon; to allow, permit, tolerate

Note that both words contain the idea of dealing with a debt, payment of something owed. It is interesting that the definition of “remit” is to cancel or refrain from exacting or inflicting (a debt or punishment). When I refrain, God steps in. That’s how it should work. That’s how it DOES work.

The idea here in Matthew is to leave the situation and the people in such a way as to abandon the debt in terms of your heart (Matthew 18:35). Your heart is to be free, totally free of everything ugly regarding the wrong committed against you. We accomplish that by handing both the situation and the people involved over to the custody of the One True Judge. It is then that we can live in fullness of life even though things around us are still difficult.

In my own life, this practice of forgiveness has at one time produced immediate freedom. And in another instance I remained under a cloud of distress for a long time until God pointed out certain truths about the people involved. I felt so free. It was awesome!

So, have you considered who should measure out forgiveness? What have you decided?

Restitution: Living Guilt Free

In fighting for national freedom peace is bought with blood…usually. Freedom from guilt, however, is purchased by making restitution. 

Guilt. Is it a feeling or a state of being? It is both according to dictionary.com.  . What is it to God? 

Strong’s number 816 – ‘āšam – To be guilty; to be in a state of liable for wrongdoing with an implication that one will suffer or be punished for the guilt; to be suffering; to declare guilty

We can learn about personal freedom by looking at the  guilt offering designed by God to facilitate reconciliation between people and between God and His people (Leviticus 4,5,6). Here are a few things I learned from my study of guilt. I hope you find them helpful.

• When a person sins unintentionally (by accident), that person is still guilty (“legally” responsible). God’s laws and penalties have not appeared and vanished on the basis of any individual’s intentions. His laws remain impartially active despite the people involved or their situations.

• Guilt is a type of suffering. One party suffers the offense. The other suffers the punishment of the wrong until things are made right.

• Guilt is part of the cleansing equation. There is a concrete way to be free of guilt… a process to go through. Leviticus 5  Realize wrongdoing > Accept the guilt > Make restitution > Plead their case before God > Be forgiven > Enter into restored relationship

• I am regarded as guilty when I am cognizant of my wrongdoing ( aware, made aware, acknowledge)

• I am rendered guilty immediately whenever I commit a wrong of any kind

• Who sets you free from guilt? You do; wanting to be free is an active choice. God does: without His involvement, reconciliation is not achieved completely

• When making things right, don’t aim for replacement, aim for a fifth above and beyond.

  • Numbers 5:6-8Amplified Bible (AMP)

6 “Say to the Israelites, ‘When a man or woman commits any of the sins of mankind [against other people], thus breaking faith with the Lord, and that person is guilty, 7 then he shall confess the sin which he has committed, and he shall make restitution for his wrong in full, and add a fifth to it, and give it to [the person] whom he has wronged. 8 But if the man [who was wronged] has no redeemer (relative) to whom the restitution may be made, it is to be given to the Lord for the priest, besides the ram of atonement with which atonement is made for the offender.

• You know, it is interesting that the problem with causing hurt to others is actually breaking faith with the LORD. It is that broken faith Godward that necessitates realignment action on the part of the wrongdoer, not whatever emotional gymnastics or feelings they experience. All restitution solutions are matter-of-fact events. They effect the heart but are not dependent on it.

Here is an example from my life.

Spatially challenged, kinetically expressive individual that I am, “Wanna get away?” moments increase in proportion to social interaction. It can be embarrassingly problematic.

There I was talking to a friend at a party one second and the next second there goes the hostess’s very cool, somewhat expensive candle holder. It toppled laterally. The thin ceramic severed into three parts across the dark wood of her console table instead of shattering into a zillion pieces on the floor. That last bit was fortuitous.

I was mortified. Being the avid reader of God’s take on things that I am I knew restitution must take place but how to do that escaped me at the moment.

“I’m SO sorry….” came out of my mouth.

“Oh don’t worry about it. I have grand kids.” She smiled. It was like saying what I did did not matter. But it did. It mattered to me and it mattered to God.

With all the sad face emotions I could hopefully project in order to convey my sincere apology, take two commenced.

She cradled my face in her hands and looking into my eyes spoke firmly, “ Christine, let it go.”

I couldn’t. My state of being was stuck in a red light/ green light situation on a long red – a do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-$200 spiritual type of jail and I desperately wanted to be free of it. I was stuck in a place of liability without my get-out-of-jail-free card that could only come from the LORD.

Until God released me I would not be released. If I had the power to vanish… to teleport home I would have but God had other plans.

Next up was our devotional speaker for the day. She told us about a Japanese art form that mends broken pottery to make the point about how beautiful God’s mending of her broken life had been and still is.  She had been re-purposed for the display of God’s splendor and craftsmanship with a glorious golden glue that reminds her what a treasure she is.

As I was leaving the hostess came over to give me a parting hug. “Isn’t it interesting that the speaker talked about broken pottery today? It makes me think again about the candle holder breaking.”

Her hands flew off of me so fast. Immediately she turned away to talk to someone else.

Okie-dokie, I thought. I knew at that moment that things had to be made right. It was the right choice for a servant of the Most High and an essential part in the equation of freedom from that unfortunate moment for both of us.

23 So if when you are offering your gift at the altar you there remember that your brother has any [grievance] against you,

24 Leave your gift at the altar and go. First make peace with your brother, and then come back and present your gift. Matthew 5:23-24 Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)

It was a passage we’d both studied recently and now had the opportunity to experience first hand. Early the next week I made it my mission to find that special item. I drove across the bridge to the big city and struck out at the first five stores. Five. Nobody had the exact color, height, or shape. Tired and disappointed I complained to God. Then I called my daughter for her input. She offered a couple suggestions and she asked her hubby what he’d recommend. He suggested that I definitely go to one more particular store. I did.

The solution wasn’t there either but God was. As I was browsing – more like getting lost in aisles and aisles of stuff – two managers and their trainee were talking as they introduced her to stock placements. One manager laughs and teasingly says, “…We need to get this girl some bumpers. No seriously. She’s always bumping into stuff.”

LORD! You wanted me to hear that!! I’m not the only one who suffers from loosely connected steering.

I should have stopped right there, raised my hand and testified “That’s me too! I’m here because I need to stop bumping into stuff!! Bumpers would be great. Do you have any force-field types that fit the bill?”

This time listening to someone else’s conversation was kind of encouraging. Striking out wherever I turned was extremely discouraging. I tried, God. Thanks for the encouragement but it doesn’t look like restitution is possible today and today is all I have.

With the LORD’s direction, help with resources and two stores later the solution was in hand. Neither grand kids nor clumsy adults could break it. It was the right shape and height. The candle colors paired well with their holders and would make a stunning display. One broken item would become a beautiful set of six so the numbers thing was working out. 🙂 I think these will do. Thanks God. You have helped me to do what is right. You have made a way to break free from my wrongful accident.

Things matter. They don’t matter because they are things, they matter because things affect our hearts. Making restitution heals. Ignoring a friend’s heart divides and separates. Such disregard for those whom God has created is dishonoring to their Maker and a blight to Christian testimony.  So God gives us a way to deal with our possessions in a way that honors people and pleases God.

Here’s a couple other examples:

1. One time back in college Steve loaned out his car. The driver came back having put in a completely new wind shield because while the vehicle was in his care the previous one was cracked. That was my first exposure to proper restitution. It brought about a happy all-is-right bounce to my step.
2. Dad left when I was 5. When I was grown he said, “I’m sorry for our “unfamily” and then later when I had an opportunity to visit him, it was important to him that I be included in his home and he set aside a room just for me near his instead of making me sleep alone in the trailer across the parking lot. He was being a dad to me and I treasured the brief time we shared together.

God designed a way to be free from guilt. Sacrifice. It is a two part equation; Our part and God’s part.

We make it right. He forgives us. The wronged person forgives us. We forgive ourselves. Relationship can finally be enjoyed uninhibited. 

That really is the goal isn’t it? … Being reconciled, realigned, to God and to people in such a way that uninhibited relationship is genuinely experienced?

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! What memorials of mended relationships do you carry with you?