As a part of Doing the Word of God this year, this bit about parents came up a few times. Honor is problematic.
How does one honor the disrespectful? How does one give recognition to parents who have abandoned their offspring? …or done worse? Why would I want to promote someone who makes consistently bad choices that harm others? Am I trying to be nice because people want me to rather than because God wants me to? Is diplomacy at the expense of my wellbeing what the LORD really wants from me?
It’snot that I’m trying to get out of honoring my folks. It’s that it is really hard to honor them the way I think honoring should be done. Time and time again I find the need for secure boundaries…for the rescue of God in family relationships.
My choice has always been to speak factually in regards to the choices of family members.
Never-the-less, I must find a way to honor Christ’s commands. Five times Jesus himself restates this command to honor our fathers and mothers – twice really. (Matthew 15:3-10; Matthew 19:19; Mark 7:10; Mark 10:19; Luke 18:20) This good advice is also revisited in Ephesians 6:2. The first mention is about what we say regarding our parents. The second is Jesus teaching on what must be done to be saved. The third effects the conditions of our livelihood here on earth.
Can we, the afflicted, the abandoned, the trampled, find a way to obey this Biblical exhortation without lying to ourselves or to others? Let’s investigate.
3 And He answered and said to them, “Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? 4 For God said, ‘Honor [5091]your father and mother,’ and, ‘He who speaks evil [2551] of father or mother is to [a]be put to death.’ 5 But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever I have that would help you has been [b]given to God,” 6 he is not to honor his father or his mother[c].’ And by this you invalidated [208] the word of God for the sake of your tradition. 7 You hypocrites, rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you:
8 ‘This people honors Me with their lips,
But their heart is far away from Me.
9 ‘But in vain do they worship Me,
Teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.’”
10 After Jesus called the crowd to Him, He said to them, “Hear and understand. Matthew 15:3-10 (NASB)
Some definitions are a must.
Honor (5091) timaō – to honor, show respect, give recognition
Speaking evil of, curseth :- (2551) – kakologeō, to curse, malign, speak evil of. From (2556 + 3004) / Kakos – evil, wicked, wrong, bad, a perversion of what pertains to goodness; as a noun, an evil thing can refer to any crime, harm, or moral wrong + lego – a general term for speaking.
Invalidated (208)- akyroō – nullify, to make void, to make of none effect
OK.
Honor your parents. Do not speak evil of them. Don’t forsake them in order to “give” to God. Got it.
BUT…
What if parents are actually evil, wicked, perverted (using good things for purposes other than they are intended), criminal, harmful, or morally wrong? How do I speak of them then?
I suppose we could take the path of saying nothing about them at all. Except for the fact that they hold positions of primary relationship in our lives and we interact with each other and with others regarding them.
Shall I make an effort to honor, show respect, and give recognition to evil? Shall I support what indeed is harmful? NO!!!!
Am I then condemned to cause Heaven harm? Heaven knows I do not want to place myself in a position of making God’s Word ineffective or worthless.
This is where all of God’s word comes into play not just pieces of it.
We are also supposed to speak the truth to each other.
25 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Ephesians 4:25 (NASB)
AND we are to call things as they truly are.
20 Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil;
Who [a]substitute darkness for light and light for darkness;
Who [b]substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter! Isaiah 5:20 (NASB)
It hurts to say, “ Yes, I am so-and-so’s child. They are _____. That is provable. The consequences in my life are a testimony to it. Circumstances do not change reality… nor does wishing alter the truth.” It’s a shame that lingers. Mostly because we all know and want our own family to be all kinds of good things as they should be… but some families aren’t.
God knows this.
Both of my parents made some pretty bad choices. No matter how I word it, those will always be bad choices. Yet, I do not fall into depression, anxiety, or hopelessness. Instead I call on God, The One who exists and causes all things to exist. I say only two words. Sometimes they are a barely audible moan. “Save… me…” At other times those same two words come out like a battle cry as I lower my head and charge into the fray.
My hope is that God will take the reality of the bad primary relationships I call my own, transform them and at the end of time, show me that sorrow indeed is turned to joy. My worthless looking, heavy rocks were gem stones at the core… my irritations, treasured pearls . … or as in Isaiah, my grieving heart found among fallen tree debris is a precious acorn of great splendor waiting to be born.
To grant to those who mourn in Zion the following:
To give them a [a]turban instead of dust [on their heads, a sign of mourning],
The oil of joy instead of mourning,
The garment [expressive] of praise instead of a disheartened spirit.
So they will be called the trees of righteousness [strong and magnificent, distinguished for integrity, justice, and right standing with God],
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. Isaiah 61:3 (AMP)
My hope, my trust, is in God and that kind of hope never disappoints.
5 Therefore, having been justified by faith, [a]we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and [b]we exult in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only this, but [c]we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:1-5(NASB)
Go. Recognize your father and mother in the Name of Yahweh who Saves (Jesus). Tell them and everyone else that HE loves you even if they do not. In that way we can draw attention to good and love sincerely with His love while hating evil.
…And may God go with you, Friend. Amen.
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